I’m still not sure if I’m more scared by those six meters of air under my feet, or fascinated by the panorama of Prague I see.
I’ve had a weird day, at least when it comes to mood. I woke up tired, and mirror showed me my own handprints on my body. Warm weather equals low blood pressure, or something. The funny thing is, I’ve barely started drinking mango juice with guarana powder in it when my hands started shaking. After a few moments of writing email, I’ve realized I’m being hypomanic again, so I packed a few things and got out.
And of course, the only place I found suitable – with a great view, slightly away from other people, in a shadow – is this small wall with ants crawling over it. It’s funny, several people passing by have stopped to look how far down it is on the other side of it. While I’m afraid I’ll panic when some bug bites me and I’ll either fall down or drop my BlackBerry, the visibility is great, and pictures really can’t describe it. People around city look like ants.
My manic mind has calmed down while I was reading On Writing Well. I’m thinking of moving, as my back is uncomfortable. I wish I could fly. I’m thinking about the squirrel suit. I wonder how hard it would be to get proper amounts of exercise and training with base jumping and parachute to use it safely. Who knows, maybe there will be an opportunity on Iceland in coming years.
So much for creativity. The thunderstorm of random ideas has ceased, and I haven’t written/drawn a single line. Typing this post doesn’t really count, as I need to coherent my ideas down.
OK, weird bugs all over the place. I got down and am thankful that my favorite new jeans don’t look like a total mess. I feel like I’m forcing myself into “having a life”, that I should do something interesting every weekend. And don’t get me wrong, I love doing interesting outdoor activity, I just sometimes doubt if I’m not doing it to persuade myself and others that I’m an active person.
But I’m sure I worry too much. I sincerely want to have a life, and my plan to have an “achievement-oriented life” still holds. I can’t be defined by “wanting to go outside”. Only by going outside and enjoying it I can really be sure I’m honest with myself. I’m outside and I’m enjoying it (yes, even if I’m blogging from my phone, it still counts as being outside and enjoying the nature).
I’m spending a lot of time thinking about moving. Ideally, I want to keep my current job and rented apartment until I do the big move. I want to sell my Powerisers, desktop computer, and most of the other stuff. I want to acquire a small compact camera with a good zoom and maybe a DSLR before I move. But the DSLR will probably wait.
And now I distracted the hell out of myself. There is a group of Americans (?) with lots of kids nearby, I guess they’re celebrating the Children’s day or what was it. Anyway. Time for me to go home and get productive, I feel like I would feel bad if I spent too much time outside, even when I’ve allowed myself a lot of time spent on F.E.A.R. and MSPaint Adventures yesterday. Yeeeaaah. So much for productivity.